Over the past seven years, I have coached, managed, or consulted on about three dozen startup teams. The only thing that they all had in common? Conflict between founders.
I have yet to find the perfect happy marriage when it comes to starting a business. However, I have seen startups that successfully manage the relationship to become an effective and non-toxic leadership powerhouse. Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with an impossible cofounder.
You don’t have to be besties
It is natural for cofounders to want to be friends. They are going through life-altering changes together, and it’s only human to seek comfort in one another. However, this isn’t always possible or healthy. You don’t have to be besties, but you do need to be able to work together productively.
If you are already friends when you started then you have a tough choice to make. You can either remain close friends and sacrifice the health of the business or grit your teeth and risk a friendship for the good of the startup. As tough as it is to hear, both rarely remain intact.
Make sure you have a common goal
If you can’t get along, it will be impossible to move forward if you don’t have a common goal. You need to agree on the vision for the business and what steps need to be taken to achieve it. This is especially important in the early days when every decision feels like life or death.
Are you trying to change the world? Make money? Create the perfect lifestyle? Gain recognition? Whatever the end goal of the startup is, make sure it is the same for the whole founding team. This goal is the bedrock of how you make decisions and without agreement here, there will be none elsewhere.
You are probably both wrong
Startups are complicated, living organisms that no one really knows anything about. When it comes to making the perfect decision, relax cause you probably never will. The goal is not perfect but upward mobility and chances are by combing ideas with your cofounder, you will get closer to that end.
In any conflict, there are always two sides. As hard as it is to admit, you are probably both wrong. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree or be friends again, but it does mean that you need to find a way to work together to avoid being devastatingly wrong.
Start by acknowledging your own part in the conflict and then try to see if you can come to an agreement that works for both of you. If not, then at least you will have a clear path to split and go your separate ways.
Find an enemy and attack it
Nothing ignites friendship between squabbling middle schoolers like hating the lunch lady.
Startups have countless enemies. In the early days, it may be money or time. Later on, it could be competition for a new user acquisition channel or hiring your first employee. The important part is to have something larger than your difference to fight against.
Find a mediator
Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t mean that it has to consume you. If things are starting to get heated, find a mediator. This can be anyone from an advisor to another co-founder in the company.
The important part is that someone impartial can help cool down the situation and help you move forward productively. Finding a mediator can help put perspective into what actually matters about your conversation. Find someone who will cut through any pettiness and help root out the real issue.
Keep an open mind
Never let negative feelings for a cofounder get in the way of your ability to hear a good idea. That is all.
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Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, especially one as intense as a co-foundership. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to let the conflict close your mind to good ideas. There are ways to navigate these difficult waters and come out on top. By keeping an open mind, acknowledging your role in the conflict, and having a common goal, you can survive the rough waters of startup life.
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